Review by
Eric Hillis
Directed by: Ryan Spindell
Starring: Clancy Brown, Caitlin Custer, Barak Hardley, Christine Kilmer, Jacob
Elordi
Following the funeral of a small boy, Dark is approached by Sam (Caitlin Custer), a smartass teen who wants to apply for the advertised position of his
assistant. Suspiciously fascinated by his profession, Sam coaxes Dark into
relating stories of how some of his "clients" ended up on his slabs, and
thus the tales are unspooled.
First up is a brief single location story of a female thief (Christine Kilmer) who retires to a bathroom to empty the wallets she's just pickpocketed
at a high society party. Something is waiting for her behind the medicine
cabinet however.
Next is the highlight of The Mortuary Collection's stories, which takes us to Raven's End's local college. There we meet
Jake (Jacob Elordi), the fraternity's house stud, who has claimed
the virginity of 66 female freshman students by spinning them a load of
guff about his feminist sympathies. The 67th notch on his bedpost is the
mysterious Sandra (Ema Horvath), who turns the tables on Jake when
he refuses to wear protection. This one has an effective sense of place, a
timely bit of social commentary and a memorably gruesome twist. It would
work perfectly as an episode of Tales from the Crypt, a show to which The Mortuary Collection owes quite a
stylistic debt (did I hear its theme tune referenced in Mondo Boys' score
here?).
The last of Dark's tales introduces us to Wendell (Barak Hardley),
a devoted husband who has committed himself to looking after his wife,
Carol (Sarah Hay), since she entered a catatonic state on their
wedding day. The toll of caring for Carol finally catches up with Wendell,
who follows the advice of his doctor (Mike C. Nelson, who plays the
character across three segments) in slipping untraceable but deadly pills
into her gruel. Wendell's plan to mercy kill his wife doesn't go off so
smoothly, and he finds himself attempting to dispose of a bloodied corpse.
This one fails to live up to the darkly comic potential of its premise.
There should be more uncomfortable laughs from Wendell's haphazard
attempts to remove his wife's bloodied corpse from their apartment
building without getting rumbled by his neighbours, but the initial tone
of the short is too sober for the gags to ultimately land as easily as
intended.
After Dark tells his three tales, it's the turn of Sam, who it turns out
has a story involving herself. I won't get into details as the segment is
played as a twist, but the final story initially sets itself up as a
homage to '80s slashers, and I was disappointed when this turned out to be
a fake-out, instead evolving into a rather generic battle between a
babysitter and her potential killer. If you've seen director
Ryan Spindell's 2015 short The Babysitter Murders, this will be familiar to you.
Given the brevity of the first tale and how the final segment ties into
the wraparound, The Mortuary Collection really only offers
two substantial standalone stories. The mercy killing segment suffers from
serious pacing issues and could really have been told in half the time,
allowing for another story to make anthology devotees feel like they're
getting their money's worth. At close to two hours,
The Mortuary Collection is guilty of dragging in places, and
only its college set story uses its running time efficiently.
The Mortuary Collection has the feel of a pilot for a '90s
cable show that failed be picked up by a network. If that were really the
case it might have value as a curiosity piece for portmanteau fans. But as
a standalone feature it plays too much like an origin story to satisfy as
a complete movie in its own right. That said, Brown is such a compelling
presence as Dark - a sort of affable cousin to Angus Scrimm's
Phantasm 'Tall Man' - that a TV series could well be spun
off from The Mortuary Collection, which may be more pleasing in 30 minute episodes than the rambling
feature it presently exists as.
The Mortuary Collection is on
Shudder from October 15th.
